December 19, 2025:

I’ve been in a strange headspace after getting home for winter break, since the mass shooting at Brown University on Saturday. I feel like I’ve been in a state of pause. A time where I’m supposed to rest and spend time with loved ones intentionally, but this time feels forced. Yes, I went home when I originally planned, didn’t have to move up flights in fear of my safety, but mentally I was still in Providence. My body was physically sitting on the couch in my family’s living room, but every other part of me was still in Providence. At The First Baptist Church just off Waterman Ave, laughing with my studio mates as we cleaned out our benches for break, spending time with the people I see more often than my actual family. “Bye, kittens, I’ll miss you,” I say. I walk up Waterman Ave, towards my apartment. I glanced back as I watched the people I spend my every waking hour with head to their homes for break. A time for rest, to decompress after a hectic semester.

My phone started blowing up. “Gunshots heard on the Brown green, stay safe.” I immediately checked all my friends’ locations to make sure they were safe, as I was the first to leave campus. They were all safe. I’m so grateful my physical body was safe, sitting in my family’s living room in Michigan. Most students couldn’t say the same. It’s a really strange place to be mentally. I am physically safe, most of my friends and peers were safe, but my community isn’t. The place I’ve grown over the almost four years into the person I am today, in the streets between RISD and Brown. Now there’s been a shooter on the loose, killing 2, injuring 9, with intentions of more harm. The streets where I once felt the safest are now barricaded with yellow caution tape, red and blue lights brightening the sky. I feel helpless. I feel scared. The world feels so heavy, it feels like it’s closing in. But those are the feelings that the disgusting shooter wants us to feel. They want to evoke terror and harm to the communities they enter. It’s a point of view I’ll never understand and frankly never want to.

I don’t have answers and shouldn’t have to be thinking about solutions. My peers and I shouldn’t have to be reposting images of students that very well could’ve been any of us, with links to GoFundMes to help offset the cost of their families having to fly to Providence to pick up their children’s bodies. We shouldn’t be scared to get back to campus. It will never be the same, and it shouldn’t. This isn’t normal. I don’t know if the fear will ever go completely away.

I’m grateful that I have the privilege of being home with my family, but it’s also hard to be away from my community I hold so closely to me. Most of the people I interact with in my hometown have no idea what's going on in the world -not to say I do completely either. It can feel isolating. It’s more the attitude of if it doesn’t affect me, then it doesn’t really matter; someone else will deal with it. But who? It’s such a privileged mindset to have. It’s hard to feel safe in a community with that mindset.

I just don’t know what else to do. I do know that being vulnerable and sharing complicated emotions is a good start. Change starts with openness, community, and vulnerability. It’s ok not to know. It’s also ok to be frustrated, grieving, and in a state of shock. It’s a start.

I’m grateful I’m here. I’m grateful to be turning 23 surrounded by family. I’m grateful for my friends and the supportive community we’ve curated. I’m grateful I will be able to hug them again. There is still so much to be thankful for, and I am, but I don’t think this would be a true update if I didn’t share some of the things that have been on my mind.

At the beginning of November, I took the train down to Philly to visit my friend Emma. She started a new teaching job in the fall, so I was excited to see her new home and life. She brought me around to her favorite places she’s discovered. We went to The Magic Gardens, a home and yard that an old man completely mosaiced as an act of protest against city expansion. It was so beautiful! We also obviously had to get my first Philly cheesesteak, and it was delicious! We also went to the Philadelphia Museum of Art and saw their new jewelry exhibit. It was such a lovely trip!

I worked a lot in the electroforming room this semester as well. For my final, I wanted to experiment with combining printmaking and electroforming. I carved a linoleum block, added electrical connections, painted a conductive copper paint on the block, and then placed it in the acid bath for a few days, until a copper shell forms on top. I then separated the linoleum block from the copper and enameled it in selected areas of the design. I then hooked it back up to copper wires and put it back in the acid bath for the copper to grow around the enamel. I really enjoyed the entire process of it all, though most of my clothes now have holes where the acid burned through. I made a plush mat and sewed together some wood to make a frame around it.

For my jewelry studio, I continued with making wearable chairs. For each of the chairs I made, I let the process and material guide me to what the end result would look like. Each of the chairs really emerged with their own personality. I had my friend Millie come with me to an Airbnb I found in Providence to document my pieces. The place was gorgeous. The owner is a former RISD Architecture grad who now rents out rooms in his home. He worked really hard to restore his Victorian home to more like it originally was. My pieces looked like they were born in the house; it was perfect!

I also had the opportunity to be a part of the RISD Museum’s ‘Work in Process’ program. They invited me to bring any sources of inspiration, pieces I’m working on, and finished pieces. I was set up in Liz Collin’s Motherload exhibition, where my friend Abby and I have a piece exhibited. I interacted with the museum goers throughout the afternoon, sharing my process. It was so much fun! I met so many interesting people, and it was great practice in explaining my work.

Just before Thanksgiving, Abby came for a quick visit for a few days. We made sure to hit up all of our favorite antique stores and go on a goat hike. We also obviously had to go see our piece in the museum. It was a good little break from the studio, and I always love catching up with Abby.

This year, I decided to stay back in Providence over Thanksgiving break to get a head start on my finals. Last minute, I decided to join my friend Georgia and her family just a few hours away in Massachusetts. I made a delicious whipped feta dip with pistachios and pomegranates to bring to dinner. We had a lovely dinner with her family and friends, ending the night with some card games. I drove back to Providence in the morning to get back to the studio, but it was a much-needed break.

My finals went great. Our visiting critic was Lynn Batchelder, a jewelry professor at Suny New Paltz. I always look forward to big critique days, I get to see everything my studiomates have been making over and listen to them present about it. Afterwards, we went to dollar burger night to celebrate another successful semester!